27-year-old Nicholas Burke isn’t sure about a lot of things, but he’s definitely 100% sure that he is at least two inches taller than you, if not a little bit more than that. Though you may wager you’re about the same height, rest assured he will quickly correct you to inform you that you’re simply wrong and he is well over six feet tall.
“It’s such a silly conversation because height doesn’t matter,” says Burke, to you. “But yeah, I’m absolutely 6’1”, my doctor told me, it’s no big deal but that means you must be about 5’10”? Cool, glad we cleared that up.”
Despite many attempts at seeming cool, calm and collected, Burke had more to say to you once you revealed that you’re in fact only 5’8” and wear heels a lot.
“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure you’re 5’10” because I am definitely 6’1”,” repeated Burke, looking at you at eye-level. “Maybe we’re actually five inches apart. There we go! That’s an explanation that makes sense.”
Sources confirm Burke’s tinder profile boasts that he is 6’1”, despite the fact that he clearly doesn’t quite hit that mark.
“I know some women want to know a guy’s height before going on a date. Like you probably swiped right on me partly because I am tall,” says Burke, not letting this go. “And now that we’re on this date and I am at least like, way taller than you, you’re happy and will probably want to date me.”
Past dates of Burke’s confirm what you suspected: this logic makes very little sense.
“No one has a problem with you being 5’8”, which you clearly are,” says one woman, who wishes to remain anonymous. “You think you’re going to be unlovable because you’re short? No, you’re unlovable because you’re so fucking worried about being short that you tried to gaslight me into thinking I am 5’11”.”
Still, Burke insists that he is minimum two inches taller than you, but honestly probably more like four or five.
The night after your date, he texted you asking what you were up to. After you said “making dinner” he responded with:
“Let me know if you need me to reach the top shelf ;) People always ask me to do that at the store lol.”
