You’re 30 now, but that doesn’t mean you have to dress like it! Wearing clothes meant for someone much younger than you will always hide your age, and what better way to do it than with an outfit that’s uniquely youthful—the romper. These fun onesies may not slow down your aging, but they’ll totes play down your aging!!
Joanna Romper (7 for All Mankind, $98)
Kendall Jenner was spotted out on the town in this really cute romper. And because she’s only 19, wearing the same thing as her is an easy, subtle way to get people to associate you with the barely legal set. Pair it with an accessory that says “1996” on it to further plant the idea in people’s heads that you can’t remember very far back, and to make this ensemble seem as effortless as Kendall! Her life is fairly obstacle-free!
Pleather Lindsey Romper in Deep Black (Zara, $72)
This versatile romper can go from day to night or, in your case, from responsible day job as a project manager in an architectural firm to irresponsible night out on the town where you try to hold onto the last vestiges of your youth before you finally have to settle down. It’s dry-clean only, which is no problem for you since you’re old enough to follow garment care instructions!
Denim Phyllis Romper (3.1 Phillip Lim for Target, $64.99)
Denim isn’t just for those mom jeans you’ll soon be wearing anymore! This sassy denim design screams, “I’m actually a lot younger, I just photograph old sometimes!” Add a chunky belt to play up the flirty lines of this romper and to play down the fact that your ebbing egg phase has now begun and your uterus has already expelled half of your available ova. No one will see that under this cute lil’ thing!
Floral Jumpsuit (H&M, $17.95)
Now that you’re 30, the balance of testosterone and estrogen in your body is shifting, which can give you unwanted chin hairs. The bright patterns of this romper pull attention away from your developing lady beard and on to your rockin’ body that’ll still be rockin’ rompers for a few more years if you have anything to say about it!
Ditsy Floral Print Romper (Forever 21, $19.94)
Shopping at Forever 21 is like drinking the eternal life water in Tuck Everlasting. After all, it’s called Forever 21, not Eventually 30. So maybe if you stay in the store long enough, you’ll eventually merge with the store’s spirit of carefree youth to haunt its fitting rooms forever. This one also has pockets!!!
Pick up one of these totes cute life-hiding rompers! You’ll know you know what a 401(k) is, but nobody else will!