In a breaking news story that will certainly shock the world over, your friend Jasmine, who has never gotten political on social media, is not an apolitical neo-lib class traitor after all: She’s just been fighting injustice directly as a vigilante this entire time!
“Wait a second, so she’s been doing more than anyone else this whole time?” you asked reporters when you saw an “identity reveal” online that confirmed Jasmine has been moonlighting as the local advocate and crime-fighter “Neighborhood Girl.” “Jasmine is Neighborhood Girl? But she’s never even reshared a single infographic!”
According to reports, she kind of never had to: She’s been busy getting down and dirty with her own two hands!
Sources confirm Jasmine made the conscious decision not to make her social media presence political lest it interfere with the very real, very tangible activist work she’s doing in real life. You’re finding this hard to swallow, because you forgot activist work can happen in real life at all.
“Wait, so when I circulated that voter registration info and got upset with her for not sharing it, you’re telling me it’s because she was busy lifting school buses off of trapped children and going door to door to register people to vote herself?” you continued, incredulous. “That was an option this whole time? Fuck!”
Sources confirm you spent all last week venting to friends about how you find Jasmine’s “apolitical backboneless-ness” embarrassing. Meanwhile, she’s been out on the town threatening corrupt politicians, buying free lunch for children in need, and rescuing the neighborhood cat from various trees.
“I just assumed she was one of those ‘politics don’t apply to me’ types, not a ‘fuck these politicians, I’ll do it myself’ type!” you continued. “That’s awesome! Uh, yeah, that’s really cool. I guess it’s fine that she didn’t really tweet about it then. I mean, it probably would have raised a lot of awareness and been really good if she had tweeted about it, but I guess that’s fine.”
Jasmine confirmed she doesn’t share any of her work on social media because she finds joy in the tangible connections she’s made with those in her community and considers that all the thanks she needs.
Upon hearing this, you scratched your head and reluctantly admitted, “Yeah, I guess that’s pretty cool.”
As of press time, Jasmine promised she’d share your new infographic about recycling if you really wanted her to, she just had to finish building a neighborhood playground with her own two hands first. Sources confirm you told her not to worry about it.
