Finding chill female friends can be difficult. After all, women love to gossip, backstab and in general be catty with each other. It’s just too much drama, and that’s why many years ago, I made the choice to live alone with zero human interaction in a remote snow cave.
Yes, living inside this remote Siberian snow cave has its challenges – subzero temperatures threaten to kill me nearly every night, and I haven’t experienced human contact in decades – but it’s the life I have chosen to avoid those drama-ridden female friendships that were just such and energy suck on me, you know?
I don’t want to be anywhere near women who say things like, “I guess you look pretty” with bitchy undertones. I’d much rather die in this snow cave.
Women are always overreacting to simple things and blowing tiny problems way out proportion, and I intend to stay away from all of that nonsense for as long as I can. That’s why I’m staying in this cozy yet very isolated snow cave forever and ever where no one can even make me leave, or really even find my corpse. Seriously, you will have to drag my frozen body with your own cold hands to get me out of here. I’m just so over the drama!
I don’t have to deal with anyone’s inane bullshit, because I live 12,000 miles away from civilization, deep in the merciless Siberian wilderness where only the elks can hear me talking to myself about sports. That’s right. I talk to myself about football and baseball and other chill things. I’m definitely not crying to myself, because that’s what a dramatic woman would do, and that’s what I came out here to avert.
Here in my snow cave, I cannot afford to have feelings at all because they get in the way of my survival. How could I waste time talking about frivolous things like ‘crushes’ or ‘who stole who’s Michael Kors clutch’ when I need to hunt the elk for their meat or I’ll die of starvation? That’s right. I could die of starvation in this snow cave I’ve willfully isolated myself in to prove how much I hate drama.
But my hunter-gatherer lifestyle is far more freeing than friendship with other women. I get to slam back cave-brewed tequila shots by myself until I pass out, then have cold elk for breakfast – behavior most women would look down on because of the calories. So, “no thank you” to their friendship. I’m much better off here, alone, freezing and dangerously close to the sweet release of death.
