In a predictable story coming out of a coffee shop in New Haven, CT, 27-year-old Bella Harden just told her friend “everything happens for a reason” even though she, herself, hasn’t been through shit.
“I just told her my cat died unexpectedly and she comes at me with that shit?” Bella’s friend, Talia, told reporters. “What would she know? She’s never even had a cat, let alone a dead one!”
After doing some digging, reporters discovered that Bella actually hasn’t experienced grief on any level, not even the death of her grandparents, as all four of her them are inexplicably still alive, even though they’re all pushing 120.
“Oh, yeah, her grandparents are definitely immortal beings,” Talia told reporters. “And don’t even get me started on her parents and siblings! They all get along! Can you believe that? Same political beliefs and everything.”
Reporters were indeed stunned, but felt like Talia was kind of glazing over the whole “immortal beings” thing to express her amazement of a standard, functional family unit.
Talia continued, adding, “She’s never experienced grief, strife, loss, or even a petty argument.”
In spite of Talia’s words, Bella still stands by her belief that everything happens for a reason.
“There’s a guiding force in the universe that directs us toward the life we were always meant to lead,” Bella told reporters. “Just because I was meant to lead a perfect, strife-less life, doesn’t mean I’m wrong to say that Talia’s cat was meant to die on her bed when she was also in it.”
Regardless of whether or not she was right, reporters felt Bella was being a bit harsh with her beliefs.
As of press time, Bella had apologized to Talia and amended her previous statement, saying, “Sure, your cat’s dead, but somebody else has it way harder than you right now.”
“That’s a way worse thing to say!” Talia said before storming out of the coffee shop in a rage.
“Some people can’t handle the truth,” Bella confided to reporters. “Besides, I don’t know why she’s so upset, her cat’s in a better place.”
Reporters informed Bella that, again, this wasn’t a great thing to tell someone.
