Love and heartbreak are essential components of the human experience for many. These feelings of loss and despondency are universal, and yet enduring them can feel so isolating. Particularly for me, because my breakup actually is the saddest and worst one to ever happen in the history of mankind.
Artists, philosophers, and I think maybe Christian Bale’s character in American Hustle have all commented on the novel and singular sensation of falling in love despite the experience’s ubiquity. And that’s so cute that a lot of people feel that way, but what’s important to understand is that when my partner and I fell in love it actually was a new type of love that had never existed before – sort of deeper, more special, impossible for the “average” person to understand or hope to fathom.
As a result, our breakup was the most emotionally epic and complex to ever exist, so if you’re like, “Ugh, been there, buddy,” or, “I know it’s hard,” then you’re wrong. You haven’t been there. No one has. Only me.
Relationships begin — wobbling their way through early stages of intimacy, shared knowledge, and the collectively nurtured language of love — and relationships end. What’s so different about my breakup? Primarily, I am soooo sad about it. I am so sad and I am so alone in my sadness because when a friend tries to reach out I refuse to be comforted since no one gets what I’m going through.
You know that feeling when you’re sick and you just want to complain about how terrible you feel but you know it’s futile because while someone can be like, “Yeah, sucks that you’re sick,” there is an impenetrable disconnect so long as they don’t currently feel that way? This isn’t like that. Other people actually have been sick before, but no one has ever been as heartbroken as me. My former partner used to call me “baby”. Can you even imagine what it’s like to lose that sort of golden intimacy? No, of course you can’t. Why would I even ask?
So if you see me walking down the street, feel free to offer your condolences and give a show of support and sympathy, but just know that it means nothing to me because I am living through a hell previously uncharted by humankind, and my breakup is the saddest and the worst. Anyway, drinks this weekend? I have a lot more to say about this!