‘Sup my dudes, prudes, and nudes! If you just caught a deep whiff of Axe Phoenix with a splash of Axe Anarchy, it’s because ya boy is back in town. Listen, I’m an equitable bro and even though my opinions are the loudest and therefore always right, that doesn’t mean you haven’t made some great points contrary to my clearly superior beliefs. But like my idol Elon does with the children he didn’t have with Grimes, I’m just not going to recognize their validity in any way.
Look, I know it’s not 2013 anymore (RIP Vine); I can’t go around saying, “Cool story, babe. Now make me a sandwich,” even though it was fucking hilarious every time. I’m a modern man now, listening and learning to everything you bitches have to say. Is it exhausting? Yes, but I’m putting the work in. And I’m a grown enough dude to recognize that some of the things you say are not complete bullshit.
However, just like my favorite movie Mad Max: Fury Road, nothing is going to get in the way of what I want. And by what I want, I mean my uninterrupted thoughts on a subject that I’m clearly right about. It almost doesn’t even matter if you made a great point, because I’m telling you (and everyone in a 10-foot radius) my even greater points on it.
For instance, it’s true that Kendrick’s To Pimp a Butterfly is a great album. Solid point. But just wait and buckle up for my unsolicited TedTalk on why Jack Harlow is still the best rapper of all time, because once I’m done talking your ear off for the better part of an hour without any acknowledgment of what you said, you’ll be like, “Damn, this guy is always right. Someone put on ‘Young Harleezy’ right now.”
And really, isn’t it enough that I recognize that what you said was a solid point? Take the W, friendo. You’re asking a lot for me to not only listen to what you say but also to take it into account when forming my opinions. The only opinions around here that need changing are yours if you think ‘I Wanna See Some Ass’ isn’t a goddamn masterpiece.
Don’t get all worked up just because I’m steamrolling right past any of your thoughts and opinions. Know I’m only doing it because I’m right. Now go make me a sandwich (That’s right, I’m bringing it back, baby)!
