In an exciting story out of Queens, NY, 28-year-old Hailey Thomas and her boyfriend, Max, have finally moved in together and achieved “DINK” status: dual income, no kids. This means they have double the income and none of the expenses of raising children – which, for them, amounts to being able to split a one-bedroom apartment in the city.
Congrats, guys!
While normally the term “DINK” evokes images of high-end living spaces, luxurious vacations, and more disposable income than you know what to do with; that’s not the case for Hailey and Max.
“Yeah, it’s pretty much just the one-bedroom,” Hailey told reporters. “And we can barely even afford that. Then any income we have left over after paying rent goes straight towards our perpetually overdue utility bills.”
Okay, brag!
Max agreed that their DINK lifestyle is a little different from what people have come to expect.
“People keep asking me if I own a sprawling estate in the countryside and a beautiful golden retriever who I refer to as my ‘daughter’?” a stressed-looking Max told reporters. “Is that what DINKs are supposed to have? All we have is a cat we found in the crawl space in our building’s laundry room and a couch we found on the side of the street.”
When asked if they were enjoying the financial freedom and lifestyle flexibility that comes with being DINKs, Max and Hailey were dubious.
“Sure, I guess,” Hailey said. “If by ‘financial freedom’ you mean ‘barely making ends meet every month’ and by ‘lifestyle flexibility’ you mean ‘the flexibility to save money on groceries by going to bed early and skipping dinner.’”
Now, that’s lavish living!
“Yeah, we also go halfsies on groceries, which is huge,” Max added. “We still can’t go anywhere near the fancy cheeses or anything, but why should we? We’re not fucking French royalty!”
As of press time, Max and Hailey had fully embraced their nontraditional DINK lifestyle after their friend with kids told them they haven’t slept a full eight hours since having a child.
“We can sleep all we want,” Max said. “And that has to count for something! It has to.”
