In a developing story out of the fountain plaza in the park, a man has just very publicly proposed to his girlfriend, and a crowd has gathered to watch in the unspoken hope that she’ll turn him down.
One bystander, Alicia Morris, commented, “Yeah, we pretty much all want to see this guy get shot down.”
“If my boyfriend ever pulled some shit like this, I’d feel morally compelled to publicly humiliate him,” Another bystander, Paula Burns, said. “I don’t care how in love we are.”
Sources say the couple was just on what seemed to be a romantic stroll through the park when, out of nowhere, the guy dropped onto one knee and whipped out a ring.
One bystander quietly noted that the ring would have had to be at least three times bigger than that for her to not dump the guy on the spot.
Surrounding bystanders all murmured their agreement.
The crowd of bystanders eventually grew so large that another, smaller crowd had formed to see what this larger crowd would do.
“I love watching other people watch a public proposal,” said one member of the smaller group, Devin Carlsen, when asked what had made her want to stop and watch. “I can’t watch the actual proposal, though. I get way too much secondhand embarrassment from that.”
When asked to describe the vibe of the larger crowd, some recurring phrases used by members of the smaller crowd included: “excited,” “agitated,” and “thirsty for blood.”
“The first mistake this guy made was thinking that the crowd he proposed in front of would be at all on his side,” said another member of the smaller crowd, Deb Muth. “The second was wearing joggers.”
“Sure, seeing someone accept a public proposal is exciting,” Morris said when reporters asked why she was hoping to witness a rejection. “But seeing a guy who obviously thought he could manipulate the woman he’s seeing into marrying him by surprise-proposing to her in public get rejected in front of dozens of people? I believe that’s what I was put on this earth to witness.”
When asked how she knew it was a surprise proposal, several nearby bystanders chimed in on Morris’s behalf.
“Just look at her face!”
“She’s clearly mortified!”
“Umm, hello? Her nails? He obviously didn’t drop any hints.”
As of press time, the woman in question said yes, and the couple lovingly embraced, though many bystanders weren’t convinced, speculating that she had likely just given him a fake yes so that she could reject him in private later on.
