Clueless about how to hit on that hottie across the room? These no-fail flirting tips will get you his attention, but will not help you remain chill if he actually starts flirting back. You’re on your own with that part! Here are a few cool ways to flirt that will ultimately lead to panic if they actually work.
Maintain Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact is an easy way to signal your interest in a guy—until he reciprocates, then back the fuck off because you weren’t prepared for that to go over so well. Oh my god, he’s still looking at you. Would rejection have been better than this? Now you actually have to speak to him at length instead of staring wistfully from afar and thinking to yourself, “Wow, I wonder if he’s ever gotten an award for his face?” So congratulations on your successful flirtation, but good luck taking it any further. Because you’re out of the realm of idealization and into the realm of your own personality now, and we can’t help you!
Listen Up
When he talks about himself, listen so he knows you find him interesting, and also that you want him to rail you so hard your IUD gets dislodged. This tip shouldn’t be too difficult, since everything coming out of his perfect mouth sounds like the most intelligent thought anyone’s ever had anyway. Being the listener feels so safe! But if he starts flirting back and actually wants to know more about your dumb job at the Adidas store, have fun flying blind. You didn’t expect your attentiveness to get reciprocated and now all you can do is try not to die.
Ask For Help
Asking for help is a simple way to get his attention you didn’t think would really work. When you sidled up to him at the bar and coyly asked for help calculating your tip, you half expected him to call you out on your extreme bullshit, or blow you off because not knowing how much to tip is dumb. Who doesn’t have a phone to do that? Also, you hate asking for help. But this guy agreed to play your stupid little game and now you’re stuck seeing it through, and we can’t advise you on that, sorry! Just try not to continue sounding like an idiot.
Leave
No matter where the both of you are in your flirtation, leave. Even if you have to jump out a moving vehicle, just get out of there! This will 100% pique his interest, while also ensuring you don’t have to follow up on the flirting you initiated. After all, that’s the scariest part!
Flirting is fun as long as the other person doesn’t get what you’re doing. So try these tips until they actually work and then bail, bail hard, because there’s no how-to guide for someone liking you back!
