Are you feeling insecure in a way that cleavage might fix? Perfect timing—it’s Halloween! That means that for one day and one day only, you can be anything you want to be. Why not don the most out-there costume around—a sexy version of yourself! Here are the must-haves you’ll need to pull off this alter ego look, so that your friends will ask, “Who is that?”
“I Can’t Walk” Pumps
In order to dress sexy, you’re going to need a great set of “fuck me” pumps. Your height should increase by no less than 5 inches, your stride should decrease by no less than seven inches, and your confidence should increase enough to finally sign up for those Zumba classes down at the Y. Who knew you had such cute knees?
Rib-Busting Corset
Nothing says, “I’m confident in my own skin!” like a piece of clothing that completely rearranges your organs. You’ll look just the way you normally do while volunteering at the animal hospital, but with higher tits!
“Bandage or Skirt?” Skirt
Take an old work skirt and rip off the bottom. Savor the sound of the skirt tearing, because that’s the sound of your insecurity leaving your body! Don’t know how short to make it? The more you expose your lady bits, the more confidence you’ll have!
Strategically Placed Window Fan
Your tits are out and your head’s held high, but you’re not really sexy until your hair flies everywhere. Bring a large box fan to your coworker’s Halloween party, set it up before people arrive, and stand right in front of it all night. Set it to a sexy breeze through your hair and feel your confidence grow. For extra sexiness, slowly swish your head back and forth like you’re in a slow-motion hamburger commercial.
There you go! Now you’re on your way to rocking the ‘Sexy You’ look this Halloween. Savor the burst of confidence and be whatever “sexy” means to you, because on November 1st, you’ll go back to just being you.
