In a disappointing story coming out of Austin, TX, 29-year-old Marie Lawson is demonstrating her complete and unyielding devotion to the ruling class by showing up to her workplace a full minute earlier than she needed to be.
Okay, bootlicker!
“Running late always stresses me out,” Marie told reporters gathered at her office. “I feel so much better when I get to work on time, or even a little bit earlier, because it makes me way less anxious in the morning.”
Wow! What a class traitor!
While Marie doesn’t find anything wrong or morally bankrupt about her actions, her coworkers seem to think otherwise.
“I can’t believe she would bend over backwards just to be a doormat for the corporate elite,” data analyst Sam Kelder said. “I really wish she would have more of a backbone. It’s so hard to watch her do this to herself. Like, have some self-worth, girl!”
So true! You’re still replaceable in the eyes of your manager, Marie!
“Is she doing this because she thinks she’s going to get promoted or something?” another coworker, Jamie Nelson, said. “Does she even care? It seems like she just wants to serve her bosses in any way possible, no matter how much her sacrifices take a toll on her.”
We hate to see it!
Not only did Marie arrive at work on time this morning, she also stayed at work an extra 20 minutes longer at the end of the day.
“I just had some work I wanted to finish up so I wouldn’t have to do it tomorrow morning,” Marie told reporters. “Plus, I find that my commute home is a lot smoother if I wait a little longer to leave work. It was for me more than anybody else. Seriously.”
Oh no! This poor girl is in denial!
As of press time, Marie had been shunned by her coworkers for breaking class solidarity and aligning herself with the ideals of her corporate overlords, making things harder for the rest of the staff.
“There’s a special place in hell for people like that,” coworker Jamie added. “And that place is the office when no one else is there, apparently.”
