We’ve all heard that famous John Waters quote: “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books on their shelves, don’t butt-fuck them.” More and more, guys are taking this advice to heart and judging us girls by our book collections, which is why we’ve compiled a list of the best works of literature to give off an adventurous, butt stuff-y vibe to let him know that you’re not against a little high-quality butt action:
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Some people might think having this book implies that you are a child at heart, but discerning guys will know that any book involving someone falling into a mysterious hole screams one thing: “Have I gone mad? I’m afraid so. I love butt stuff!”
Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon
What a crazy fever-dream this book is! This Pynchon nonsense takes place in the 1970s, which was a very experimental time, thus implying you are super into butt stuff!
Your Movie Sucks by Roger Ebert
A collection of Ebert’s harshest reviews where he sticks it to several flops. Having this book on your shelf will imply that you want your dude to stick it to you like Ebert stuck it to Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
This is the frat party of literature! There’s actually a chapter entitled, “Tucker Tries Buttsex; Hilarity Does Not Ensue”. Your date will see that book on your shelf and know that you are into trying anything once, and that you’re also into douchebags like him. WIN-WIN!
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
The main character in this book is straight-up crazy and crazy girls are always into butt stuff, right? Your guy will think so, so get that book up on that shelf!
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
When you feel lousy all the time from dealing with phonies, you’re in the perfect headspace to experiment with butt stuff and try to shake things up.
Butt Stuff for Dummies
Trust us, he’ll get it.
Buyer Beware! Books that say you’re definitely NOT into butt stuff: Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, Harry Potter 1,2,3,5,and 7, Twilight, and Tina Fey’s BossyPants.
Good literature should be able to say things you couldn’t seem to put into words yourself, mainly, “Let’s do butt stuff.” The truth of it is that we all keep books at our house for appearances only. Hopefully you can curate butt stuff books for years to come!