Ben Affleck’s Penis Gets Oscar Nod for Gone Girl

As psychological thriller Gone Girl continues to sweep the box office, critics agree that Ben Affleck’s penis deserves an Oscar nomination for its crucial two-second role during that one shower scene.


This would be the third win for entertainment industry veteran Affleck, but only the first nomination for little Ben. “It’s an honor for you all just to consider my penis,” says Affleck.


Reviewers have called Affleck’s penis “brave,” and “a tour de force.”


One critic writes, “The penis makes a large contribution to the film in its defining moment but also gave a more nuanced performance in another scene while encased in sweatpants.”



Oscar buzz started immediately on opening night, when moviegoers who went for the film’s novel take on gender roles instead left the theater discussing the evolving role of genitalia in film.


The Academy may grant points for the penis’ ability to work with notoriously difficult director, David Fincher, often requesting up to fifty takes of a single scene. Crewmembers say Affleck’s penis did show some signs of fatigue that were later edited out in post.


“Affleck’s penis was a dream to work with and totally professional,” said Fincher in an interview, “You would never guess he was attached to one of the biggest celebrities in the world.”


Coming off the heels of Jon Hamm’s penis Emmy win last year, Affleck’s penis marks the first time genitals have been in serious contention for an Oscar nomination.


Michael Fassbender’s penis, snubbed last year for its work in 12 Years a Slave, could not be reached for comment.


Casting directors have been abuzz with offers for the penis since the Oscar heat, but rumor has it Affleck’s penis will be making the move to directing by next year.