In an act that will surely set women’s liberation back a few decades, your coworker Chloe just came into the office bathroom that you entered a few minutes ago and is using the stall next to yours.
“What is this, the 1950s?” you emailed reporters as you heard the bathroom doors open after you had already gotten comfortable in your stall. “Shouldn’t we be in an era where a woman has the freedom to shit without any interruption?”
Sources report that you had gone into the bathroom to take a post-coffee shit, but these ambitious plans were foiled by Chloe using the bathroom at the same time. Instead, you were relegated to pretending to pee while Googling “What wave of feminism are we in?”
“Women have fought for so long for equal rights in the workplace. It’s egregious that offenses like these are still happening, especially by fellow women,” you said. “But I guess there are still women out there putting their own selfish needs above the collective good.”
However when reporters caught up with your co-worker Chloe, she also expressed the same disappointment at having a woman in the bathroom at the same time as her.
“You would think in the 21st century it would be obvious that when a woman enters the bathroom, the other woman shouldn’t just dilly-dally in the stall. She should finish her business and leave,” Chloe said. “Or at least be an ally and make some noise – maybe flush a few times or really loudly roll out the toilet paper – to give the other woman privacy. It’s simple camaraderie.”
As of press time, this nuanced issue still has not been resolved as the dispute between you and Chloe remains unspoken. However, to avoid another harrowing encounter, you now use the single stall bathroom on the floor above your office.
“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women,” you told reporters as you took the elevator upstairs. “Especially in their pursuit of a solo shit.”
