In an adorable story out of Denver, CO, it has been confirmed that local 24-year-old Kayla Weinsma’s love language is truly the bare minimum that anyone will offer her.
Aww! How romantic!
“I don’t really believe in ‘love languages’ in the traditional sense,” Kayla told reporters. “What I do know is that what I’m looking for in a relationship is literally anything that anyone is willing to give me.”
Okay, girl! Know yourself!
Kayla added that it makes her feel so loved and cherished when the person she’s dating offers her anything at all.
“A bouquet of flowers, a nice stone, a wet stick, I’m not particular,” she told reporters, depressingly. “To me, hearing words of affirmation like ‘I love you’ is the same as hearing ‘I’m in the mood for pizza tonight.’ Either way, I have a partner and they’re talking to me, so that’s good enough for me!”
Reporters thought that this was super sad, but Kayla insisted her current boyfriend is actually really sweet, even if he has a subdued way of showing it.
“I just know that every time he leaves and forgets his wallet and has to come back and say, ‘Forgot my wallet!’ that’s just his way of trying to spend a little more time with me,” Kayla told reporters, unaware of the growing pity in their eyes.
However, when reporters caught up with Kayla’s beau, Noah, all he offered was a vague, “Kayla? Yeah, I know her, why?”
“He really said that?” Kayla asked reporters. “He’s so sweet.”
If you say so, babe!
“He also cooks dinner for me sometimes!” said Kayla, obviously feeling compelled to convince reporters of the validity of her relationship. “Well, not for ‘me,’ per se. But he does cook dinner for himself and sometimes he’ll put a little in a bowl for me if I mutter ‘I’m so hungry’ no less than 13 times. See?”
When reporters still appeared dubious as to what that was supposed to make them “see,” Kayla added that her love language was also when her boyfriend “unlocks the car door for her,” “plays video games while she’s in the same room,” and “accidentally bumps into her when he turns a corner too fast.”
Reporters insisted that none of those things could even be considered intentional actions, let alone intentional acts of love, and strongly encouraged Kayla to raise her standards.
As of press time, Kayla had reluctantly agreed that her standards might be too low, and decided to take “wet sticks” off her list of items that she considers gifts.
Reporters weren’t exactly impressed, but admitted it was a step in the right direction.