Planning an orgy can be such a drag! It’s all the normal stresses of throwing a party, plus the added challenge of making sure the lube works for everyone’s allergies. Ugh! If you’re feeling too tuckered out to get your fuck on, here are some tips to make sure you enjoy your own orgy without getting too bogged down with the planning details:
Make Your Invitations Work for You
First things first: You have to get the message out. Choose invitations that are inviting, warm, and emphasize consent. They can be cute and charming, but they should also include an FAQ to prevent you from having to answer any redundant questions. That way, when someone calls to ask if it will be one big orgy or a bunch of smaller three- and foursomes, you can say, “Check the invitation!” Nice.
Set a Casual Dress Code
You want to look fuckable, so do what you would normally do before a date—shower, shave, and see if you still fit into your favorite Forever 21 dress from when you were 18—but also remember that you don’t have to try too hard. One of the best things about hosting a questionably legal sex party in your house is that it’s your house, so you can be as casual as you want. You will get laid tonight no matter what (that much was laid out in the FAQ!), so go ahead—slip into something more comfortable!
Enlist a Co-Host
Hosting an orgy is hard. You have to be sex-positive while making small talk with strangers. So stressful! If that sounds like too much for you, ask your friend, sub, or slave if they wouldn’t mind taking some of the pressure off. We hope they’re obedient enough to help out with decorations and put out the guac!
Snacks, Snacks, Snacks!
Make sure you have some light appetizers—cheese, crackers, and chocolate body paint are all safe bets—as well as Gatorade for extra stamina. These noms will look great on the table next to the big bowl of condoms. Because, say it with us: Safety first, safety last, safety always! Best of all, once the nibbles are on the table, you can sit back, relax, and get gang banged. Party perfection!
Pre-Set Your Props Table Two Days In Advance
The day before the orgy will be a flurry of activity. And the day of? Forget it. Make your life way less chaotic by setting up your toy table two days before the big playdate. That way you’ll have a large array of props ready to go so you can focus on not inviting Mark G., who knows good and well he’s not welcome back after last time. Also, make sure you allow yourself plenty of time to install the sex swing. Most don’t come with directions and the setup can take hours, so if you have some extra cash, hire a TaskRabbit to set it up the weekend before. Future-you will thank you—while she’s getting swing-railed!
Figure Out a Good Door Code
Is there a code word? A special knock? Prior registration? Make sure you decide beforehand, so you don’t waste any time worrying about whether or not anyone is a rando who just followed the leather-clad crowd. Worrying is so not what orgies are for! (They’re for sex.)
Remember: Orgies are supposed to be fun, adventurous, and worth bragging about to all your friends. So stop stressing! Trust, if you follow these tips, you’ll be less ZZZ and more XXX!
