In an understandable yet largely unwarranted line of questioning posed this afternoon, 28-year-old Carly Numes just asked her boyfriend if he was going into the kitchen upon noticing that he was exhibiting basic signs of being alive.
“I saw that he was breathing so, naturally, I needed to check if that meant he was headed into the kitchen any time soon,” Carly told reporters. “Turns out, he was!”
While, typically, individuals only ask their boyfriend if he’s going into the kitchen if he stands up from the couch, Carly takes it a step further by checking if her boyfriend’s going into the kitchen any time he moves, blinks, or demonstrates any real sign of life.
“It’s just a habit at this point,” Carly explained. “I almost always need something from the kitchen, so I just want to make sure he’s for sure not about to go in there. You know, just for convenience’s sake.”
A major outcome of Carly’s questioning is that her boyfriend does actually end up going into the kitchen –– whether he was initially planning to or not.
“It feels less like a question when she asks, and more like a request,” Carly’s boyfriend, Noah, explained. “Sometimes she asks if I’m headed into the kitchen when I just take a slightly larger breath than normal, or something. And of course I will, for her, but I’d say 99% of the time I had no plans to do so. I’m just living my life.”
“It’s basically manifesting!” Carly said, when reporters relayed her boyfriend’s statements back to her. “I’m not forcing him to go into the kitchen. But he would’ve had to, sooner or later, so I’m just kind of speeding that process along.”
However, Noah wasn’t convinced that “manifesting” was the correct word.
“She’ll get annoyed if I say I’m not going into the kitchen,” he told reporters. “So she’s pretty much asking me to get her something from the kitchen, but in not so many words.”
As of press time, Carly had yet to concede that she was forcing her boyfriend to get her stuff from the kitchen, and had actually expanded her requests.
“She’s taken to asking me if the door is locked while we’re both lying in bed at night,” Noah told reporters. “Of course, what she really wants me to do is get up and go check, so the least she could do is actually verbalize that request. Alas, I’m forced to take the hint and get up and go check anyway.”
