6 Mall Santas Who Have Better Health Insurance Than You

Being a Mall Santa is hard work, but if Santa plans and saves well, he can afford decent health insurance with a pretty low deductible. In spite of their humble jobs, here are six mall Santas that have a lot better health insurance than you right now.


Roger Berger, Stoneridge Shopping Center

By securing one of the most coveted store Santa positions around, Roger is able to afford a Cigna healthcare plan so solid you can only dream of its pleasures. This plan’s benefits are great for Roger who has type II diabetes, and would also be amazing for you, who has several mysterious conditions that are going to remain undiagnosed.


Joel McCormick, Mall of America

The Mall of America Santa season starts early, which is great for Joel, who has a limited number of weeks to secure his seasonal pay. Luckily this renowned mall pays well and covers housing, allowing Joel to afford Kaiser Permanente health insurance that covers mental healthcare, something he’ll need in the off-season and worrying about next year. Can you imagine having mental health coverage?! Of course you can’t. Your plan has a $6000 deductible.


Gerald Hooks, King of Prussia Mall

Gerald makes enough in two months of letting kids sit on his lap to cover a year of his Blue Cross Blue Shield plan, which offers him a low $10 copay on even Tier 4 drugs. Your plan might be helpful if you end up in the ER, but you’re not betting on it.


Dan Hagar, Five Points Mall

Thanks to the Affordable Care Act Dan’s pre-existing conditions didn’t disqualify him from his Aetna plan. But you unfortunately will be disqualified by your lack of a spare $1099 a month. This man who spends his entire day in a mall has outdone you.



Jim Winooski, Tucson Mall

Jim once farted loudly in front of a child on the job, but he still has a great United Healthcare plan. You work long into the evening but your employer contributes nothing to your monthly healthcare premiums because you’re technically part-time.


Huck Winslow, Mall of Georgia

You have a mole that really needs to be looked at. Huck got two prostrate exams last year, just because. He is a good Santa so we guess he deserves it?


Good health insurance is hard to come by, especially for you. But these mall Santas have found a way.