4 Ways Trump Might Concede That’s Some Shit Your Ex Would Pull

After a wildly untraditional election, presidential candidate Donald Trump hinted at the fact that he may not concede the election to his opponent, who is likely to win over him; not unlike that petty, terrible ex you broke up with at least five times before it really stuck. Here are the five things Trump may do to concede the election that’s definitely some shit that your ex would pull.


He will tweet about it

Trump has historically tweeted his feelings after a defeat, which is definitely something your shitty ex would try to get away with. Just like that insecure little dick you used to have sex with, Trump probably already knows what he’s planning to tweet the night of November 8th. His drafts folder is stuffed full of half thoughts like “remind her she’s not even pretty,” and “she unfairly turned all of our country against me,” and at least four drafts that just say, “DUMB.” That little shit is probably voting for him cause they have so fucking much in common.


Passive-Aggressively Text You

Your ex broke up with you through a series of passive aggressive text messages. Then, after the breakup, he continued to periodically text and make sure you weren’t doing okay. Similarly, Trump is likely to ignore the tradition of a concession phone call to Hillary, and instead text her “Wow congrats…happy for you….you nasty, nasty woman” the night of the election, which is EXACTLY the kind of shit your ex would pull as a stupid power move. If all goes as predicted, he’ll probably continue to text her things like, “Hope you don’t suck as president, I really do,” or “Hey sexy, I missed you” very quickly followed by, “OOPS sorry, that was meant for another president-elect!” That fucking fuck.


Steal Hillary’s Phone

It seems likely that Trump will really lean into his whole “sore loser” vibe and steal Hillary’s phone like your ex did to you before he left. He might even mimic your ex completely by refusing to give the phone back “until he gets an apology.” Then, when he finally returns it, he will shrug as he explains to Hillary that he tried to call her to concede, but she wasn’t answering.


Hyena Scream

Remember when your ex hyena-screamed outside your apartment all night until you let him in? It’ll be like that, except in front of the whole nation and by a nominee for President of the United States. As an act of concession, Trump might rush Hillary’s celebratory stage, trying to make this all about him even though he treated you like shit for over a year.


As bad as Trump has behaved in the public forum, it’s still not quite as bad as the shit your ex used to pull. If it doesn’t work, Trump will do what your ex wishes he could afford to do, which is launch his own television network just to spite you.