There are tons of bra options nowadays, from strapless to convertible to that one that looks like something a Tennessee Williams character would wear. But you’ve had your ol’ faithful for four years now and it has served you well. Your standard, everyday bra from a Victoria’s Secret discount bin in 2011 has been like a security blanket for you, and wearing any of the other, worse-fitting, lamer bras from the back of your sock drawer is totally out of the question. But while you love your supportive bosom buddy, you suspect your boyfriend expects a little variety in that department for some reason. Here’s how to trick him into thinking you actually own more than one bra.
Never take your shirt off.
Girls, we all know mystery is what really draws the men in. Make sexy-time a lot more mysterious by keeping your shirt on the entire time. Your boyfriend of two years will appreciate how coy you’re being despite the length of time you’ve been intimate AND he will never know that you’re wearing that same gray t-shirt bra from yesterday! Hence giving the crazy illusion that you possess multiple, adorable bras.
Start crying when you undress so he looks away.
There’s nothing men hate more than emotional vulnerability. To prevent your special boy-toy from ever seeing your bra, turn on the waterworks as soon as you go to take off your shirt. He will avert his eyes out of discomfort and you will have successfully avoided him seeing your only bra—a simple neutral push-up. He now still thinks you have fifteen frilly bras like some sort of tearful, beautiful idiot! Score!
Buy stickers and gradually add them to your bra over time so it seems like it’s always a different bra.
Animal stickers! Heart stickers! Bernie Sanders Presidential Campaign stickers! When you strategically add these to your bra every time you see your boyfriend, he will absolutely believe it is always a different, quirky bra.
Tuck your straps into the bra sometimes to make it seem like it’s a strapless bra.
Now he will think you have TWO bras, even though it’s really just one with its straps tucked into the band. He will be so impressed that you have seemingly done laundry or gone shopping!
Play the “Rudy” theme song every time you take your shirt off.
How can he possibly pay attention to the fact that you only have one bra when such an inspirational theme song is playing? Rudy defeated so many odds! What a win for underdogs! Your boyfriend will close his eyes, sway to the emotional tune, go on thinking that you have spent more than $29.50 on bras in the past four years.
You’re a woman who has to project an air of sex and mystery. These tips will help keep your boyfriend interested and help sustain the greatest relationship in your life: the one between you and your only bra.