Dreading the moment you have to feign excitement when your aunt gives you that horrendous scarf? Instead of resorting to the overused lines or actually wearing that trainwreck of an accessory, try these alternative responses to convince her how much you love the garbage she gave you:
1. Invent a memory it reminds you of.
Connecting the scarf to a fake memory will add some sentimentality to your empty thanks. Some examples include, “Aw, this is the exact color of my kindergarten teacher’s eyes. She’s the reason I decided to get involved in non-profit work,” or, “This looks exactly like the scarf Karen was wearing the night we rescued that golden retriever from drowning. His name was Bernie.”
2. Have the best sex of your life before opening your gift.
No matter how hideous the scarf is, you’re gonna be riding those post-orgasm endorphin waves all day. In a gift-giving context, that after-O glow will look like pure graciousness.
3. Imagine how happy you’re gonna make a homeless person when you donate it.
You might think the scarf is horrendous, but for less fortunate, it’s a gift that’ll make their day—or even their year. Channel that freezing cold person on the street, in the moment they realize they might not freeze to death that night, due to this warm scarf.
4. Tell her it looks like something Barbra Streisand would wear.
Technically, it’s true. That bitch would wear anything. And for your aunt, there’s no higher praise.
5. Reward for yourself with an exotic vacation.
Traveling to a warm place will remind you of the joy of never having to wear that scarf. And when you’re getting pumped for your getaway to Bora Bora or spa retreat in Kauai, she’ll assume it’s about her misguided taste. Everyone wins.