Hey there, sick bitch! Tired of keeping your winter flu all to yourself? We’re here to show you five guaranteed ways to make your weeklong vom-fest into a social media firestorm.
1. Hashtag Your Grossness
Bored at home, sippin’ on Dayquil? Share it with the world. Fire up Twitter, Instagram, and even Facebook with a custom #hashtag to organize your overshares. Alliteration and rhyming are key! #vincenzainfluenza #catescough #bethbarf
2. Vine Your Vom
Forget the tired old doctor’s note. Six seconds of hurling is all your boss need to see to verify your illness. Putting it on a loop can’t hurt, either!
3. Find The Right Instagram Filter For Your New Complexion
Are you normally a Kevlar? Don’t hit “Share” just yet: your pallid complexion or greenish tint might make you more of a Hudson. Play around a little first to see what will play up your sickness in the most alluring way possible.
4. Show Off Those Sick Abs
Literally! All that retching and no-eating has earned you a temporary six pack. So get ‘grammin quick, before you get well enough to keep down water!
5. Live-Tweet Your Diarrhea
Toilet sitting is a perfect time to be takin’ it to the tweets! Again, a custom hashtag will help HuffPo to repost the whole saga, from first push to final wipe. Make sure to take some Twitpics so CNN doesn’t accuse you of faking the whole thing.