Your long lost love may be out of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let their memory live on in one way: masturbating to them! Which is also really convenient, because ever since they walked out, you haven’t felt sexually attracted to anyone else. Here are seven tips for how best use your “one that got away” to get off:
Pretend like they’re still in your life.
Think of them telling you how much they love and respect you. Use your imagination if this is especially difficult. You two may have lost your way at some point, but now you are back, so enjoy each other’s company, grab few drinks, have a few laughs. And now, what’s that? Oh, sure I will touch your hand.
Use props.
Physicalize their presence by maybe clutching a pillow. This feels just like they are with you. Note that you will probably need to close your eyes to make this work. If the pillow has more oddly placed lumps than you remember, that is okay. Everybody changes and we will get through this together.
Use pictures—but not recent ones.
Visual cues will help you revive the dead relationship between you and your long lost love. Find their online profile and a good photograph of you two, where they look happy. Warning: Do not get sidetracked by practical questions, such as: How happy do they look now? How many new attractive friends of the opposite sex do they have? Do they look hot in that group photo surrounded by other hot people of the opposite sex? These questions will only pull you out of your special moment together, by yourself.
Shut your door.
This is a very important, oft-forgotten step. You and your long lost love are having a private moment. You have a lot to work out. Do not let the outside world interfere in this. You may be so used to the idea of “keeping that door open” for him to walk back through it, but don’t let that get in the way of you closing the actual door.
Take it easy on yourself.
Be gentle. This has been a very confusing day for you. Let the memories of your long lost love help you reach the climax of pathetic comfort you seek and then let them go. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. And please, please be gentle.
You guys were so good together once and you can be once again using these five simple steps. And there are so many others to be found along the way. Now go get lost in that little dream world of yours!
