5 Times Obama’s Talking Points on the Syrian Refugee Crisis Summed Up Your Relationship with Matt

The Syrian refugee crisis is a complicated humanitarian issue with lots of layers that are difficult to grasp, much like your relationship with Brad. Technically you’re not broken up, but technically you’re not together? This kind of tangled web can make even the most concerned friend wonder how it will ever get resolved. There are a lot of sides to the story, and they can only be explained through President Obama’s talking points on the current Syrian refugee situation. Here are five times Barack’s words on displaced Syrian families moved you to tears for personal reasons.

“The notion that somehow we would be fearful of them—that our politics would somehow lead us to turn our sights away from their plight—is not representative of the best of who we are.”

Yesss!!! The president straight-up nailed it with this one. You shouldn’t let your friends tell you Matt is garbage and that you should just move on because they don’t want to see you get your heart broken again. You should have compassion and open your heart to love, the same way the president wants us to open our doors to people fleeing from a country enmeshed in a four-year-long civil war.


“I want to note that under President Hollande, France plans to welcome 30,000 additional Syrian refugees over the next two years.”

One thing is clear—if our friends are doing something that’s arguably more dangerous, it’s okay for us to do it, too. Which is exactly why Heather shouldn’t judge you for still hanging out with Matt. Case in point: Remember when Heather kept on sleeping with Jackson even though they broke up and he had already started seeing other people? Of course you do. You and Matt have only been doing hand stuff, anyways.



“There have been times in our history, in moments of fear, when we have failed to uphold our highest ideals, and it has been to our lasting regret. We must uphold our ideals now.”

Preach, Barry! There’s a negligible possibility that some of the refugees could be terrorists, and there’s also a negligible possibility Matt could be an emotional terrorist and destroy the shit out of the last remaining ounce of compassion your heart contains. But that’s a risk Obama is willing to take, and so are you. Don’t let fear get in the way of upholding your ideals of true love!


“Refugees coming to America go through up to two years of intense security checks, including biometric screening. Nobody who sets foot in America goes through more screening than refugees.”

You caught Matt leaving Dan and Amy’s housewarming party with another girl while it was still ambiguous as to what you guys were. You are goddamn right he’s going through an intense security check if and when you guys sort things out! Barack is right—we shouldn’t heap more suspicion on the people who already receive the lion’s share of it, even if the Syrian refugees did show up super late and wasted to your birthday dinner.



“You will see the degree to which they represent the opposite of terror, the opposite of the type of despicable violence we saw in Mali and Paris.”

The President of the United States of America hardcore gets your relationship. Matt is the opposite of a bad guy. Heather and Amy just don’t see him the way you do, just like Ted Cruz doesn’t see the Syrian refugees the same way Obama does. Remember when you were sick and Matt went out of his way to bring you gluten-free chicken soup? That’s the side of the Syrian refugees Republicans need to see, even if he did eat most of it himself.


Let the leader of the free world lead you into making the right decision on Matt. You should be able to figure out what to do based off of out-of-context talking points regarding a complex and ongoing global issue! Don’t let your fear decide who you let inside your borders!