Getting stood-up is the worst. Good thing that’s not what’s happening to you! Here’s the top five ways to subtly check if he’s on his way in, even though why should you care?
1. The Peek
With a menu propped up in front of your face, casually dart your eyes to the door, because that approaching shadow must be him right … now! Okay, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ….now!Well it’s totally fine that he’s not here yet because you’re casual and not even looking that hard anyway and wow that gnocchi at the other table looks amazing!
2. The Crane
Extending your neck ever so slightly just to get a glimpse of that entrance doesn’t mean you’re desperate, it just means you don’t want him to miss you when he comes in! You’re beautiful. And it’s totally fine to order an appetizer while you’re waiting for him to definitely arrive to this date!
3. The Pendulum
Utilize your environment by picking an object-of-interest on either side of you. Then, dart your eyes between them while keeping the entrance in the center of your path. You’ll hardly notice his glaring absence because of that fascinating Rothko print on your left and that paint chip on your right! Oof, that appetizer’s done already? Whatever, he probably doesn’t like hummus, which you can talk all about when he tells that cute “this is why I’m late” story.
4. The Pisa
You’re early, right? Maybe you’re so early that doing a full-body lean to check if he’s at the door won’t be weird. If he walks in – when he walks in – you’ll just be like, “oh man, I came so early, I thought I was crazy, but then I realized I was early, gah I’m talking too much,” and you’ll both laugh. Hmm, lasagna. Screw gnocchi. Get lasagna. Did you know some people say “lasagne?” You’re so fucking smart and worth showing up for!
5. The Adjustment
So you’re eating lasagna and looking wistfully at your plate, when suddenly … Ding! You expectantly stand up and look straight to the door, only to see a dumb kid and his mom or a man with an old dog or something and whatever it’s just not this fucking dude. Not to worry – you can pass this minor snafu off as you “adjusting your skirt.” In fact, you can do all the skirt-adjusting you want, because you are charming, intelligent, and really great at your job, so your skirt is 100% worth adjusting, and has the power to stay or head home for the evening because at least it wasn’t the shitty one who didn’t show up this exciting culinary adventure! You’re having an amazing time.
