5 Nonsensical French Phrases To Whisper in His Ear


Men love it when women talk dirty, and nothing says “nasty” like a barrage of French words your guy can’t understand. These five French phrases make absolutely no sense when translated back into English – but who cares? They sound great, and you’re speaking the language of love!


“Un poulet est une oie, si vous le permettez fuite.”

A chicken is a goose if you allow it to leak.

Reserve this one for a romp in the hay or other natural environment – or not! He’ll never really know what you’re saying!


“Passez-moi mon médaillon de consommation concurrentielle; il est temps pour un bain!”

Pass me my competitive eating medallion; it’s time for a bath!

This line makes marginally more sense when you’re getting dirty together in the shower.


“Le temps est l’ennemi de boulettes de viande suédoises gauche au soleil après une longue journée à Ikea.”

Time is the enemy of Swedish meatballs left out in the sun after a long day at Ikea.

This one makes a certain amount of sense, to a man who actually speaks French. But your man doesn’t so it’ll mostly just sound like you want to fuck him.


“Chaque vacances, je suis témoin des extrémités d’un modèle nu marchant un chien.”

Every holiday, I witness the ends of a nude model walking a dog.

This one is actually almost real dirty talk, depending on what your definition of “ends” is. But whatever, it sounds sexy to him either way.


“Je n’ai pas enlevé les cheveux sur mon corps en deux semaines et le fait que vous n’avez pas mentionné ça me préoccupe que vous êtes désespéré.”

I haven’t removed the hair on my body in two weeks and the fact that you haven’t mentioned it makes me concerned that you’re desperate.

French is also a great way to voice concerns about your relationship without dealing with the conflict that might result!


And voilà! You’re adding an air of international sophistication and utter bullshit to your lovemaking in no time!