5 Matte Foundations That Will Turn Your Skin Into An Eternal Void Bereft of Meaning

Maybelline Fit Me Matte Poreless Foundation ($6, Walgreens)

As soon as you brush this lightweight, texture-fitting foundation on your skin, your pores will shrink so much they close in on themselves in a total implosion, opening up a gaping chasm that sucks all life into its never-ending caress. Don’t worry! There’s no pain here, because your face is Nothingness now. Absolutely Nothing.