Everyone loves the revitalizing comfort of letting out a good fart. But it can be disheartening to realize that you’ve lazily wasted that fart’s potential to be an even more satisfying shit. Get it together! Here are five farts that, with a little more effort, could’ve been much more fulfilling poops.
Standard Fart
Your standard fart could really mean anything: that you drank too much soda, that something you ate is disagreeing with your stomach, or that you have a full on poop brewing and ready to exit. But something held you back from realizing if that full poop was a possibility, and that’s your cross to bear. Work harder next time, you indolent non-shitting ass!
First-Thing-In-The-Morning Fart
These lil’ guys don’t even take that much work to convert into poops! Your body wants to get the bad out when you wake up, so that you can go about the rest of your day empty of doodoo and fully focused on getting your daily activities done. Get up a little earlier and try just a tiiiiny bit harder next time, ya butt sloth!
Period Fart
Okay, so, we understand the risks involved with gambling on a period fart. You don’t wanna push too hard to even get the toot out, nevermind a whole actual bowel movement, lest you have to use a roll and a half of toilet paper to clean up the crime scene down there. But regardless, putting in one ounce more exertion would relieve some of the pressure in your core, making cramps more tolerable and your day a little easier to deal with. Don’t be afraid to put the work in!
Post Taco Bell Fart
There’s no such thing. If you fart after eating Taco Bell, your shit’s basically already halfway to the toilet. Find a bathroom immediately. It won’t take any effort at all – we promise!
Smells Worse Than You Could’ve Fathomed Fart
So you had a fart that was maybe silent, but absolutely deadly. You really missed your chance! If your flatulence smells more like literal shit than normal, you had a turd right on the brink. If only you had pushed a little harder, waited on the crapper a little longer, had a little more patience with yourself. Now you’re all backed up and have to wait for the urge to hit you again. Ya goofed, you lackadaisical oaf!
Some things in life take work, but they’re worth it. These five farts are what we’re talking about. Honestly, just don’t be so lazy next time! Get that poop out!
