The sun is out, the birds are singing, and it’s time to add a little flair to your home goods with DIY magic! While DIY projects are always fun and exciting, nothing compares to just staying inside and masturbating to GIFs from Buffy The Vampire Slayer for hours on end. Here are seven spring DIY projects that just aren’t as fun as masturbating to BTVS like it’s 1998 all over again.
Beaded Wind Chimes
Making beaded wine chimes is a great way to dress up your garden and a boring way to waste time you could spend masturbating to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Simply add glass beads to fish wire, tie the fish wire to the top of a wind chime and then give up. This DIY project will never be as fun as searching for “Spuffy Moments” on Youtube so you can watch all the kisses—including the dream sequence! Honestly, who gives a shit about wind chimes anymore?
Painted Flower Pots
Painted flowerpots ensure your blooms aren’t prettier than your planter! Just put down a lot of newspaper before you start, and also put down a towel for yourself when you give up on the flowerpot to re-watch the entire episode where Angel and Buffy have sex and, spoiler: Angel does NOT lose his soul. They bang pretty much through the entire back half of this episode, while you bang yourself instead of decorating this dumbass terra cotta pot you don’t even care about.
Quilted Picnic Blankets
Quilted picnic blankets make a comfortable spread for a picnic lunch. However, once you’ve lost your mind listening to the humming of the sewing machine, let your thoughts wander toward the erotic possibilities of Xander Harris, because that’s what you really wanted anyway. Was Xander ever really into Willow, or did he just feel more comfortable with her than with the challenging Cordelia? Who knows! But he did end up sleeping with Faith of all people! Faith! Huh, it might be weird, but at this point fuck it—just put down your quilt and get wet to that.
Mason Jar Vases
Mason jars are a chic, easy alternative to vases. Know what’s not so easy though? Finding good montages of the minor characters you can masturbate to, which would be a way more fun activity. For example, Willow and Kennedy have a number of full-fledged makeouts for some reason, whereas Tara gets relegated to a lot of hugging, innuendo and wordplay. That’s all good and fine, but vibrator batteries don’t last forever! Ugh, maybe use your imagination? However you end up cumming, it’s going to be better than sticking dried-up wildflowers in a jar.
Try any of these DIY projects to spruce up your home for springtime. Pro tip: Any of them will be greatly improved by the use of glitter and sequins, but your orgasm will totally be ruined by any mention of Riley Finn.
