It’s finally warm outside, and that means it’s time to break out the rompers, sundresses, and other skin-baring looks that will finally get you the mosquito attention that you deserve! Who needs human kisses when you can get a bite from that frightening new breed of mosquito that came here from somewhere in South America? These skin-baring looks are guaranteed to have that little monster craving your blood and buzzing around you and only you:
Vintage West Nile-Style Romper (Queen Justine Vintage, $45)
The nineties are back! A flirty vintage romper will transport you and your insect friends-with-benefits to the time when West Nile first entered the United States, among panic and fear surrounding its entry. Pair it with some jelly sandals and a side ponytail to really feel the manic panic of the epidemic. Be sure to choose one in white or other bright color, because it’s festive and mosquitoes are drawn to it!
Lingerie That’ll Make Him Buzz (Victoria’s Secret, $92)
It can get lonely spending the night by yourself during those hot summer nights. Ramp things up in the bedroom by donning some sexy lingerie and leaving the window open. Crack open that screen, too! Light some (non-citronella) candles and lie down on top of your sheets for easy access. We guarantee you won’t get a wink of sleep, because he’ll be buzzing in your ear and infecting you with a virus that doesn’t even have a name yet!
Give Him Your Cookies (Amazon, $45)
They say that if you get a lot of mosquito bites, you must be sweet. And what’s sweeter than a Girl Scout-inspired camping outfit? Throw on a short khaki skirt and some badges and that proboscis will be inside you before you can say, “Thin Mint”. Your body will be pumping out histamines before his tiny insect saliva even dries!
Maxi for Malaria (Asos, $76)
As they say, why buy the cow when you can suck her blood for free? This one’s for the mosquito who likes a little left to the imagination. Find a maxi dress with midriff cutouts that says, “Here’s a little bit of my mid-stomach region, just for you to suck on!” Those bites in hard-to-reach places will be sure to drive you wild when you can’t reach them tomorrow at work. You’ll be thinking about him all day! You will literally never forget him.
With these foolproof tips, you’re sure to be the itchiest girl on the patio! Wait, what? All mosquitos that bite are females? Well hey, we’ll try anything once!