As we transition into the sunniest months of the year, it’s important to be mindful of UV exposure and SPF-infused skincare that will inevitably spill in your purse this season. Your friends will know just how protected you are when they notice that all the receipts in your bag are covered in greasy coconut-scented goop. Peep this list to find the best sunscreen option to spill all over your loose change and expired condoms:
1. Lotion all over your business cards
Traditional thick, white lotion with a high SPF offers the optimal amount of coverage for the bottom of your knock-off Birkin. For easy application, simply unscrew the cap slightly, drop it into your endless pit of a purse, and forget about it until next week, when you’re reaching for a business card.
2. Tinted Moisturizer in your Wallet
The sheer presence of this makeup essential will ward off the advice of Condescending Karen who tries to push her skincare regimen onto everyone else. Little does she know that all the contents of your $90 jar spilled out ages ago and are now coating the lining of the purse in an age-defying crust. Whatever, this bag has two compartments and you can just favor one for a while. Wait, your wallet was in there too?
3. Sunscreen Face Stick Explosion in a Side Pocket
Designed to protect your face without clogging your pores, a face stick is guaranteed to uncap on its own and coat your purse’s contents in a slick sheen. Better yet, your credit cards, cash, and tampons will be 100% melanoma-free, along with every surface you’ve touched on this hot bus and the side pocket where you swore you had a Wet-Nap.
4. Leave-in Conditioner with SPF on your Pants
More like “leave in your Coach satchel for five years and suffer the consequences when you step on your bag and the plastic finally cracks open,” am I right, ladies? This product is designed for your scalp, but it shines in your lap (when you put your bag on your lap on the subway out of courtesy but then the leak makes it look like you peed your pants we’ve all been there, right?)
5. Continuous Spray on Goddamn Everything
Although the aerosol packaging tricks you into thinking that the spray is light and airy, once the top comes loose in your new beach tote when you’re sitting in a middle seat on a packed airplane, you’ll be reminded that it’s actually a very thick and greasy liquid. And boy, does it smell like that time you almost drowned in a sand-bottom pool along with all the nausea you felt afterward!
Hopefully you’ve been inspired to give some of these must-have products a try! Your bag is simply begging for some irreparable damage, and most importantly, nothing says “summer loving” like inexplicably having a bunch of lotion on your arms in the middle of a meeting. Stay safe out there!