As we all know, the single most effective calming technique in stressful situations is grabbing hold of your own boob. There’s something about the feeling of holding your own flesh, both soft and weighty and warm, that’s instantly relaxing and comforting. Maybe it reminds us of being at our mothers’ breasts; maybe it reminds us of being touched by a partner. The reason isn’t important. But since grabbing your own tit in public isn’t all that appropriate, try one of these techniques instead:
Breathe in and out on a count of six
Fill your lungs all the way up as slowly as you can, then exhale all the air from them, again as slowly as you can. Count to six while you do this and picture the air inflating and deflating your tits like peaceful, serene balloons. If only you could grab hold of them and allow them to transport you from this stressful situation right now. But you cannot. You’re on the subway.
Close your eyes and visualize yourself holding your breasts
If it’s not too awkward, shut your eyes and mentally picture yourself cupping your chesticles firmly. Isn’t that better? Mushy, tender fun bags. Then, remind yourself that in just a few hours, probably, you’ll be home, and you can hold them for real. Or maybe pretend you’re adjusting your bra and get one quick squeeze? Just a thought.
Relax your muscles
Are your shoulders hunched up around your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Is your stomach in knots? Boobs aside, the body can tell when the mind is racing, so take a moment to stretch and just let go of any bodily tension you’re holding onto. But don’t relax too much, lest instinct takes over and you come-to sitting in the corner of an awkward house warming party grasping a singular tata.
Place your hand on your sternum
It’s a classic “I’m shocked!” pose that will subtly communicate to others that you’re in distress and/or about to say the pledge of allegiance, but it also has a strangely calming effect. Mostly, though, this is a societally acceptable way to put the bottom part of your hand in contact with the top part of your tit. Finally.
Ultimately, there’s no real substitute for a soft handful of breast in a time of crisis, but if you simply keep your panic to a minimum using these techniques until you can find a private moment, you’ll be fine. And once you’re home, you can jerk off, and actually feel better!
