Are you tired of pretending to listen? Bored by friends telling you I’m-pregnant-this, or my-dog’s-dying-that? If so, it’s time you stop pretending and start showing the listener how little you’re listening, which is not at all. Let your bored eyes emote total vacancy the next time anyone strikes a conversation with these hot tips:
Stare Them Down
When a domesticated cat wants to assert her indifference to lesser cats, she stares them down. At first the listener may think you’re listening, but when the expression never changes, they’ll be 100% sure you’ve tuned out their droning on about “work.” Channel your inner feline with a move that says, “I’m not listening, and I’m probably mad at you for saying anything to me at all.”
Roll Your Eyes
This schoolyard classic never fails, which is why it can be used under any circumstance. The next time a friend announces an engagement, roll your eyes slowly to the side, then let them linger away from the speaker. This move conveys the act of stopping listening and continuing to not listen.
Gaze Into the Void
Within every conversation is a sweet spot where you can stare off into space while still looking in the direction of the listener. It’s called, “the void.” Gaze into it, and feel your brain log off. Maybe you’re replaying Love, Actually in your head, maybe you’re wondering, “Why does my boob itch?” What’s important is you’ve totally detached yourself, and the listener is blatantly aware of that.
Slip on a Sleeping Mask and Put on Headphones
Ashley’s nervousness about her upcoming procedure is putting you to sleep, and she needs to know that. What do you look like to her? A therapist? Show her what a snooze-fest she is by donning a sleeping mask. The headphones are an added touch to show that not only are you not listening, you don’t care about the listener on a deeper level. Put on music and crank up the volume for particularly dull conversations, like news of a gas leak, your child’s failing grades, etc.
Whatever the circumstance, don’t pretend to listen. It’s time you take control of your life and blatantly tune out the people that have something boring to say, which is everyone.