If you have a roommate, you’ve surely endured the stomach-dropping sound of their key turning in the lock unexpectedly. This traumatizing occurrence is less painful when you can anticipate it and prepare yourself emotionally. However, directly asking your roommate when they will be home can make it sound like you would prefer to be alone. Although this is true, to avoid creating tension, read on for four ways to sound excited (not devastated) when inquiring about your roommate’s return.
Use ambiguous punctuation and emojis.
Fortunately, there are many punctuation marks that can be interpreted as either eagerness or terror. Punctuate your question with ‘?!?!’, which will seem excited, but can (and does) represent your urgent sense of impending anguish. To ensure your emoji choices are chipper, peruse the celebratory emojis you used on your Close Friends story when your roommate left, and use those! Depending on your personal style, these may include the party hat, the happy devil, the bird hatching, and the smug face moon.
Say: ‘I’m gearing up for a game of Clue. Should I count you in?’
By fabricating an upcoming board game sesh, you’ll sound friendly and inviting while you gather information about your roommate’s plans. If applying this strategy, it is critical that you choose a game that no one wants to play, like Clue or Yahtzee. Otherwise, you may unwittingly entice your roommate to come home sooner than planned. Don’t mention fun games like Twister, and for the love of God, don’t bring up Bop It.
Offer to get your roommate a hot fudge sundae.
Everyone knows that a hot fudge sundae must be consumed promptly upon purchase, lest the ice cream succumb to the heat of the hot hot fudge. Your roommate would be a monster to accept this offer if they weren’t planning to return within the next 30 minutes, so their answer will be illuminating. Be warned, this tactic may require actually purchasing a hot fudge sundae if your roommate is indeed returning, but at least you won’t be caught off guard.
So if you want to know how many more minutes of sweet solitude remain, but you don’t want to alienate your roommate, try out one or more of the above strategies. Despite your best efforts, there will still be times when your roommate returns without warning, so prepare yourself. Be equipped with casual lines like, ‘there she is!’ and ‘hey stranger!’ so that you don’t inadvertently drop to your knees and scream ‘NOOOOOOOO’ Darth Vader-style when your roommate walks in the door.
