Roommate Has Apparently Been Home This Whole Time

In shocking news coming out of your two-bedroom apartment, after unabashedly doing many things when you thought you were in your own private company, you found out that your roommate has actually been home this entire time.


Your roommate walked out of her room at approximately 3:30 pm, just as you were dancing and yelling the lyrics to “Temperature by” Sean Paul in the perceived comfort of your empty apartment’s living room.


“I was just in my room listening to music with headphones on,” your roommate, 26-year-old Pauline Barnett, told us. “But I didn’t know I was being that quiet.”


You also didn’t know you were being that loud, or you guess you did, but it felt a lot different when you thought no one was around to hear you.


After walking to the bathroom completely naked multiple times after you woke up, it was a miracle that Pauline didn’t run into you earlier in the day.



“I turned my vibrator onto the highest setting without covering it up with a comforter in the afternoon,” you say. “And that’s, like, fine, but I also was sort of mumbling a thought monologue while making breakfast in the kitchen right by Pauline’s room, and that makes me feel horrifically exposed.”


Pauline’s perspective on the event differed.


“I have to admit that it kind of hurt that she thought I wasn’t there?” Pauline says “I mean, she knows that I don’t work on Wednesdays.”


“Oh well, it’s not like I learned any juicy secrets,” Pauline adds. “But I did hear her practicing what I think was an Adam Driver impression.”


Time to sublet your room immediately while you look for another place to live.