You’re on your third cup of coffee and you know a dump is surely a-brewin’. But this coffee shop has one of those bathrooms that require a key. What gives?! And the guy that holds the key is the super cute barista who cannot know that you have bodily functions. So what do you do? Here are some ways to sexily ask for that key before completely annihilating that toilet.
1. “Hey, can I get the bathroom key? I just need to adjust my lace thong.”
This is a classic way to let a cute barista know that not only will you not be peeing, pooping, or farting in there, but you also keep your under garments strictly sexual.
2. “Can I borrow the bathroom key? I actually practice giving blow jobs on hand dryer nozzles.”
Let this coffee-slinging hottie know that you’re a willing, committed, and creative romantic partner (as an empty vessel containing no actual liquids, gases, or solids to expel despite the fact that you just chugged a large latte!). He’ll have something to dream about while you’re unloading that massive dump.
3. “I need to check my insulin levels in there. It should take about a half hour.”
Having a disease like diabetes makes you super vulnerable, and makes men want to take care of you. Just make sure to let him know not to worry if you’re in there for a while. You do not want him breaking the door down out of concern over your blood sugar levels.
4. “Give it to me. Hard.”
Keep it subtle. Hot Trevor isn’t a game player and lucky for him, you don’t play games either. Just make sure you’re clearly pointing to the bathroom key because you really do have to poop right now.
5. “Can I get the bathroom cock? I mean key—bathroom key.”
Guys think Freudian slips are super cute, especially when it’s about their penis and not about poop.
If you use these five tips, not only will Trevor give you that key, he’ll completely forget that you digest food! So go ahead ladies, destroy that stall with all your might. He’ll never guess it was you!