Speeding tickets are the pits! Even if you’ve managed to sweet-talk your way out of them in the past it’s never a bad time to take your speeding ticket avoidance to the next level. Drop the crying act and read on for new ways to get out of a speeding ticket that are just the lift from Dirty Dancing. Because nobody puts points on baby’s license!
The “Hungry Eyes”
Nothing says, “Please don’t give me a ticket for speeding to Applebee’s to pick up my Carside To-Go order” quite like Eric Carmen’s soulful single, “Hungry Eyes”. Make sure to have this ballad blasting—and your eyes looking extra hungry—when the officer approaches your vehicle and asks for your license and registration. Once sufficient meaningful eye contact has been made and the timing feels right, run towards the officer with arms outstretched and a vulnerable yet trusting smile of anticipation on your face before leaping into his arms and being thrust into the air above his head like a tiny, beautiful little bird. He’ll be so impressed by your moxie and admiring of your weightlessness that giving you a speeding ticket will be the last thing on his mind! (This should work.)
The “She’s Like the Wind”
Let’s face it: There’s not always time to blow-dry your hair in the morning, and if you are like most red-blooded American women, there are some mornings when you drive to work with the windows down, blasting Patrick Swayze’s “She’s Like the Wind”, and speeding down the freeway in order to air dry your hair. Unfortunately, this can lead to a speeding ticket from officers of the law who just don’t see what an innocent little baby you are. But fear not, for all hope is not lost! When the officer asks if you know how fast you were going, simply laugh knowingly and run full speed towards him before jumping into his open arms and soaring into the sky like a majestic butterfly. If he asks why you were speeding, or why you’re leaping towards him, just play up your harmlessness and say, “I carried a watermelon.” (Hopefully he’ll understand, but remember: He does have a gun.)
The “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”
There is no better way to unwind at the end of a long day than with a nice night drive while imagining yourself in the arms of a sexy ballroom instructor. But unfortunately, lulling yourself into such a complete state of hazy relaxation may result in unintentional speeding, and you know what that means: a speeding ticket, right? Not if he’s too busy lifting you in the air with confidence and strength! When the officer points out your excess speed, that is the perfect time to open your car door, saunter sexily away from him, then race into the officer’s waiting embrace, and burst into the sky above his head like a radiant firework, satisfied in all that you two have accomplished in your brief time together. Say goodbye to that pesky speeding ticket, and hello to your newfound officer-of-the-law-turned-ballroom-dancing-partner. For maximum results, wear little cutoff jean shorts and call him “lover boy” a lot. (Just like, if you get hurt or something, either by falling on the pavement or getting shot…it’s not our fault. You have to believe in yourself!)
Every gal gets pulled over for speeding at one point or another. But with the lift from Dirty Dancing up your sleeve, speeding tickets will disappear from your life faster than Baby disappeared underwater that time that she and Johnny were practicing the dance lift in the lake and he dropped her by accident. You’ve got this!