Did you just go through a rough breakup? Looking for ways to pretend you don’t care about him anymore? According to relationship and all-around life expert Khloé Kardashian, the best breakup revenge is a killer hot body, but what good is a revenge body if he never gets to see it? Below are some examples of the best revenge bodies along with tips to make sure he sees the new you at exactly the worst possible time.
The “Remember Me?!?!”
A more mature, sustainable revenge bod, Britney Spears got to work on looking hotter than ever after her recent breakup. The pop star credits her new body to cardio, yoga, and a desire to remain relevant. Try her routine of 20 minutes of intense cardio, followed by 50 squats, followed by showing up at his coworking space wearing nothing but a bikini and a giant snake.
Put Him On Ice
The former Lizzie McGuire star may have run into some issues with her divorce from that Canadian hockey player, but that hasn’t stopped Hilary Duff from looking better than ever. Along with an intense daily ab session, get his attention by sitting with different men at hockey games until the two of you show up on the Jumbotron Kiss Cam. Kiss a total stud while broadcasting your new look to thousands of people, including your ex-boyfriend who just happens to bartend at a Rangers bar. If that doesn’t work, try streaking across the ice in a bikini!
The Signature Sprinkler Move
A classic take on the revenge bod, Khloé Kardashian’s recent dieting coupled with an organ-crushing waist trainer and butt injections is a great example of how to make sure he envies your new life without him. In addition to authoring a book about the journey and posting daily pictures of your workouts to Instagram, take it a step further by running wildly through the sprinklers on the front lawn of his glass-walled office in your teeniest bikini. He won’t be able to take his eyes off you! Work your new curves while he shakily calls security.
The Silent Stunner
Although Glenn Close’s divorce from her third husband was reportedly “super amicable,” it doesn’t stop this star from showing off her revenge body. At 68, Close is looking better than ever. Try her completely natural diet, paired with walking directly to his cubicle, staring at him angrily until he has to mention how good you look. We also suggest pointing down at your body while saying, “Hmm? Hmmmmm?!”
Breakups and heartbreak can be rough, but with the right revenge body (and a killer attention-seeking technique to go with it), you can make it seem like you’ve totally moved on. Take a lesson from these famous ladies and start confusing the hell out of him at his place of business. Good luck!