Woman Not in the Mood for a Whole Movie Watches Five Hours of TV Show

In a confusing development Thursday evening, Evelyn Briston watched more than five hours of a TV series after declaring that she “didn’t have it in her for a whole two-hour movie”.


“A feature-length film is such a commitment,” Briston said while reaching for the remote to skip the credits and play the next episode. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t see why it should take that long to tell a story.”


Briston argued in favor of television shows, a medium for which the ultimate goal is to continue indefinitely without end.


“My time is valuable, and sometimes I just want something quick,” Briston said, sitting in near-total darkness as the last trace of natural light disappeared from the living room. “I just never know what I’m getting into with movies, and my friend told me this show starts to get good around season three, so I’m excited.”


Briston’s partner Alex voiced their support for the evening’s programming.



“An episode of a show is so much more digestible than some overblown, navelgazing indie film,” Alex said, having just sat through two Lawrence of Arabia‘s worth of television. “You have to remember, we’re in a new Golden Age of television. People are doing things with TV that movies can’t do. Just look at Westworld; there’s no way a story like that could be wrapped up in ninety minutes. Nuh-uh.”


At press time, Briston and her partner realized that they had both watched this show already.