While the jury is still out about whether preventative Botox actually works, researchers have confirmed that the treatments will do absolutely nothing to stop the oncoming hordes of locusts from swarming over the land and devouring everything in their path. If Botox sounds like something you’re interested in, here are three treatments to check out, while keeping in mind that they’ll do fuck-all to save you when God decides to plague us for our sins.
Forehead
A major point of insecurity for many people, getting preventative Botox injections on your already-smooth forehead is a great way to potentially stave off the natural aging process that we will all inevitably face. However, while it might keep your forehead forever smooth, it will do nothing to fight off the holy locusts from razing down every tree in the land.
Crow’s Feet
This preventative Botox treatment tackles the corners of your eyes, but completely ignores the hailstorms and fire that indicate an impending locust invasion. Sure, you might experience the full, undiluted brunt of God’s eternal wrath, but at least your face will look medically burnished and sheeny while doing so. Now that’s a sin that can be forgiven!
Glabella
Otherwise known as the space between your eyes, we’re calling it the “glabella” to make it seem more science-y. Regular Botox treatments in this area could maybe prevent fine lines from developing into something more, but they won’t prevent your day of judgment from coming – and soon.
So, consider scheduling a preventative Botox appointment before it’s too late! “Too late” of course being the three days of darkness that are inevitably followed by the death of every firstborn in the land. You’ll die with the waxy, smooth, ageless skin of your dreams, and if beauty’s a sin then plague me, baby!
