In long-awaited news coming out of Washington, D.C., both Republicans and Democrats are finally putting aside their differences to come together and do absolutely nothing about gun control.
After a chain of mass shootings have rocked the nation, including but not limited to the grocery store shooting in Buffalo, NY, the church shooting in Santa Ana, CA, and the Uvalde, TX elementary school shooting, the leaders of the Democratic and Republican parties have finally decided that it’s in their best interest to reach across the table, come together, and just kind of fuck off and see if people forget about the whole thing.
According to reports, the Republican congress members have decided that making it harder to obtain guns would infringe on Americans’ second amendment rights, and also their own right to collect money from the NRA. Democrats, on the other hand, have made the bold decision to let them do whatever they want, and it may or may not be because they’re profiting off of these tragic, deadly shootings too.
After citizens constantly living in fear of potential violence and death wherever they go for years because of the relaxed laws around gun control, they can all finally breathe a sigh of relief now that the government has decided to do nothing, but bipartisanly.
“We understand that no one wants themselves or a loved one to die at the hands of gun violence,” one Congressmember said. “That’s why both parties are open to talk about everyone’s feelings about it on Twitter, or wherever you feel comfortable sharing your concerns that will not be met.”
Reportedly, this may be one of the first times that both parties are united on such an important human rights issue, which is inspiring although it won’t help anyone not die.
When asked about what this means about the two-party system’s responses to other long-standing issues in the future, one senator was crystal clear.
“It’s safe to say that nothing is probably going to be done about those either,” they told us. “But you can count on our two parties being united in the future! Just as long as there’s no change happening whatsoever, or if Republicans do whatever they want and Democrats just watch.”
Witnesses report that the American people can’t wait to see what the government will come together to do nothing about next.