In slightly confusing and concerning news out of Columbus, Ohio, 26-Year-Old Mariana Dominguez reportedly still pretends the children’s candy Smarties are medicine despite being on seven prescriptions of actual medicine.
“Hmmm, work is hard right now. Time for my meds!” Dominguez said before popping a Smartie into her mouth. “Num num num.”
Mariana Dominguez, meanwhile, takes several prescription medications daily. These include birth control pills, Zoloft, and medication for migraine prevention. However, despite the daily engagement with modern medicine, Dominguez still insists on pretending that Smarties are medicine.
“They’re so cute! And they make me smartie-er when I take them right before I have to use my brain!” Dominguez explained.
Several scientific studies have shown there is no significant effect of Smarties on intelligence, or, as Mariana has named it, “Smartie levels.”
There are some reports that Smarties may work as a placebo, but scientists have emphasized the importance of not validating this to Mariana any further.
“She always used to keep smarties in her desk in third grade and take them before spelling tests,” says Mariana’s childhood friend, Marta. “Now it’s embarrassing seeing her take a Smartie before studying for grad school. She literally has an Adderall prescription!”
When asked if she truly believes Smarties are medicine, Dominguez replied, “I don’t know but it’s fun to pretend like they are. Plus I’m in grad school at Columbia so you tell me, is it the ‘medicine’ I take every day helping or the Smarties?”
All reports indicate that it is definitely not the Smarties.