Author Archives for Rosa Schwartzburg

The Hardest Thing About Being Single Is That Couples Keep Trying to Hunt Me for Sport

4 Foreboding Omens Who Are Trying to Mansplain My Death to Me

very old woman preparing food in her old country style kitchen

Grandma Pulls a Fucking 180 on How Much She Wants You to Eat at Thanksgiving

How To Lose Weight While Still Refusing to Drink Water

Are You a Curvy Gal or Just a Hot Wheels Track?

Allison Invents New Pasta Sauce That’s Just Wine

5 Kick-Ass Flute Solos to Charm His Dick Like A Cobra

6 Great Yoga Poses to Asphyxiate on Your Own Breasts

4 Face Masks to Undo Summer Sun and Psychological Damage

5 Amazing Highlighters So That You Can Finally Become the Moon

5 Magical Summers to Remember Fondly Instead of the Real Ones You Spent at Fat Camp