So you want to say something to knock your frenemy down a peg, but you’re not willing to sacrifice your sweet-as-pie reputation? You don’t have to! Here are some of the nicest insults to “get the message across” without saying anything objectively mean!
“You look comfortable.”
Look at you! You are so sweet to notice your frenemy’s outfit today! There’s a lot of pressure to look perfectly on-trend and adorable at Sunday brunch with your “friends,” but this girl’s comfy casual approach makes everyone look a little less put-together. This “compliment” is the perfect way to let her know she really could have stepped it up and at least worn a pair of wedges while letting her know you’re way too big a person to directly insult someone for what they’re wearing.
“Are you feeling okay?”
This classic question is the perfect way to show the world what a caring, aware, empathetic person you are, while making the frenemy feel like she’s been walking around in public all day looking like sad pigeon road kill. You’ll leave her no choice but to mutter something about being “really tired.” She’ll be doubling up on concealer for weeks after your sweet show of concern for her health.
“You’re so independent! I wish I could be just like you!”
So you’ve been “complaining” to your painfully single “gal pal” about what a hit your social life has taken after moving in with your doting boyfriend. You are just so in love that there’s no reason to leave the apartment! If you’ve gotten a few stifled eye-rolls, but are still looking for the perfect non-insult, look no further! You’ll say “independent” and she’ll hear “frigid bitch incapable of intimacy with another human being.”
“I can’t believe you’re in your thirties!”
This little zinger is a slow burn. Delivered with the proper amount of shock and enthusiasm, you may even initially receive a genuine “thank you!” Only later will the doubts start to creep in as your frenemy realizes that maybe you were implying something bigger than the fact that she doesn’t look a day over 22! She’ll look around at her three roommates, her twin-sized bed, her unfulfilling job, and her mismatched socks and realize that your compliment was just a “diss” in disguise.
“Don’t hate your nose! It complements the rest of your face well.”
She’s just opened up to you and shared her crippling insecurities about her nose. In her mind, her schnozzle is the one black mark on an otherwise perfect conglomeration of features. The only real kind thing to do is to lower her opinion about the rest of her face by equating it to her most hated feature. She’s so lucky she has a super nice friend like you who knows that it’s just not healthy to feel so torn about one’s appearance. You are so thoughtful!
Insulting your hated ones without seeming like an asshole is a difficult dance, but with the right choice of words, you’ll be pushing the buttons of everyone around you without ever having to say, “I’m sorry!”