Some people feel that pressing your partner on far out and irrelevant hypothetical situations is not a good thing, but I think that these thought experiments can be a useful way to bond and really flesh out the inner workings of your relationship. That’s why I asked my boyfriend Luke if he would still love me if I was a worm, and he immediately said yes, but then I was like wait a second, if I was a worm I would want to date other hot worms?
That’s when Luke’s answer really started to feel like a red flag.
Real love means standing by someone’s side through thick and thin, however real love also means setting someone free when you’re no longer compatible or able to grow and be fulfilled as a couple. I thought that Luke and I were on the same page about this, but then he said he’d love me if was still me but I suddenly transformed into a dirty little worm, or even a giant man-eating worm. This made me question everything.
Obviously this transformation would be a vulnerable and intense period of getting to know my new worm body and making new worm friends. Sort of like freshman year of college, but with more damp dirt. Does Luke even want what’s best for me (figuring out my worm identity and hooking up with hot worms)? Does he even value my wellbeing at all?
I’m like, “Okay, awkward!” but I’m also like, “What the fuck?”
Let’s put aside the fact that Luke wants to date a worm for a second, if you even can. Did he ever once stop and ask himself if worm-me would want to date him: a human man? The logistics of it alone are unfathomable, and it just feels like he’s hanging on for all the wrong reasons.
There are parts of my sexuality that don’t get to explore in this monogamous relationship, and I accept that because being with such a wonderful partner is worth it, but if I were a goddamn worm??? At that point he’s just holding me back out of jealousy, because obviously I want to fuck other worms, and if Luke turned into any sort of animal I would fully want him to explore his body with others of his species. Am I just supposed to be, like, his pet worm? Gross. I’m my own worm-person.
So I encourage everyone to start these telling conversations with their partners, but learn from me: You might not like what you find out. I’m off to have this difficult conversation with Luke (letting him know I’d def break up with him if I turned into a worm). Good luck out there.