Yes, I’m A Squirter, But Only When I Put Mentos And Coke Up There

Like all women, I have my own needs and preferences when it comes to experiencing sexual pleasure, which means I have to make conscious choices about what feels best for my body. And like some women, I am capable of squirting, at least under certain conditions. I always communicate with my partner about when I want to squirt, because it specifically requires putting Mentos and Coca-Cola up my hoo-ha.


It’s estimated that anywhere from 10-54% of women squirt during sex, but I’m not one of them – unless I’ve remembered to stop by CVS ahead of time. Sure, it’s not always sexy to pause in the middle of foreplay while I hastily unwrap dollar-store candy and fumble for the nearest liter of pop, but the copious amount of liquid geysering out of my love locker moments later absolutely makes up for it.


Women who squirt will release as little as a few drops and as much as half a cup at a time. It can be hard to control, unless you’re well acquainted with your body’s needs and your Kroger’s inventory. To guarantee that a pint or more of sultry water ricochets from your thigh junction, I definitely recommend using Diet Coke instead of regular. Perfect for diabetics, and those of us who go wild at the thought of getting our body juice on the ceiling fan!



Experts aren’t sure whether the liquid expelled from the body while squirting is just pee or a mix of secretions from the paraurethral glands. Some think it’s a way for the vulva to clean away potentially harmful bacteria after sex, but in my case, it’s a well-documented physical reaction caused by the carbon dioxide in soda latching on to a porous candy exterior, which creates microsites for bubbles to latch onto and push out from at a rapid rate, as demonstrated in numerous YouTube videos and high school chemistry classes.


Precise scientific circumstances aside, it’s important to remember that whatever gets you going is totally natural, even if your chosen technique is full of artificial colors and flavors. Bodies can be very particular about what exactly leads to pleasure, and mine is no exception. At the end of the day, whether or not I’m a squirter is a deeply personal choice, and best kept between you, your partner, and the checkout guy at Jewel-Osco.