In a scientifically dazzling story emerging from Phoenix, AZ, 23-year-old Maya Argon just shaved her pubes only for them to grow back so fast that they technically broke the sound barrier and released a supersonic boom.
Wow! That really sucks for her!
“I’ve always known my pubes to grow back fast, but this is definitely the fastest I’ve seen,” Maya told reporters gathered at the scene, where she was still standing behind her shower curtain and surveying the site of her new supersonic pubes. “Um, it kind of hurt?”
In addition to the loud boom, the force of her pubes growing back so fast created a shock wave in the air, which knocked her various shampoos and conditioners over and woke up her neighbor.
Maya was shaving her pubes with the hopes that this might be necessary for her promising date tonight, but now she’s faced with a new problem.
“It seems like my pubes simply don’t want to be shaved, and I’m not too sure what I can do to prevent them from getting their way,” she continued. “I mean, sure, they normally grow back in a couple of days, but I just put my razor down, and I already have a full bush.”
Amazing! Did somebody say, “The body is a beautiful thing?”
According to scientists at the Aerospace Lab in Phoenix, this is the first recorded case of a human breaking the sound barrier without even trying.
“We spent years trying to achieve supersonic speed with aircraft, and even then, it was extremely dangerous,” said Lead Researcher Arlo Neems. “How this woman has managed to achieve supersonic speed via pube is quite perplexing to me. We’ll be studying her for years to come.”
Upon hearing this, Maya said, “Aw, man. Really? Do they have to, like, tell people that?”
Yes, girl! They do!
While this was a huge step forward for scientific discovery, Maya maintains that it really blows for her.
“It’s awesome that my pubes are defying scientific convention, but I still have a date to go on tonight,” she continued. “Speaking of which, can you guys get out of here? I still have to shower.”
As of press time, Maya had decided it was probably best not to try shaving her pubes again, lest it cause material damage to her apartment. Instead, she figured she’d just cross her fingers and hope her date is pro-bush. According to experts, there is a 100% chance of this.
