World Spiritual Leaders Agree – You’re Not Getting It

This week, top spiritual leaders from all the world’s religions came together in an unprecedented summit where they were able to agree on the One Central Truth shared by all paths across the globe: You guys are not getting it.

Christian leaders from various denominations agreed that if He were alive today, Jesus would not be impressed by your completely half-assed attempts to show good will toward your fellow man, with occasional church attendance and once-a-year canned food drives.

The Dalai Lama, who regularly travels across the Western world giving talks about peace and unity, made his disdain for lackluster spiritual practices crystal clear when he said: “I know you think that your so-called meditation practice is helping you be more present and balanced, but you have no clue what the fuck you are doing and everyone knows it. You’re not fooling anyone.”

“And also?” the Dalai Lama added, “You’re hanging that World Market ‘Indian’ tapestry upside-down.”

Eckhart Tolle, the New Age leader renowned for his belief that separateness is an illusion and all life on earth is an expression of the one universal energy, said, “If you really understood that you are the universe expressing itself as a human form, you wouldn’t be posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.”

At the end of the summit, the leaders of all world religions added a final message: “Take some time to really know yourself and love the world around you, because seriously, what you’re doing now is a completely ass-backwards version of that.”