In an announcement made last week, 29-year-old Denver, CO resident Pomona Gutierrez confirmed that she has finally nailed down her five-year plan: getting her IUD removed and that’s it.
“I’m not really sure where I see myself in five years,” Pomona told reporters. “Except that on June 20, 2028, I will be getting my IUD removed, because Dr. Heller wrote that date down on a little card and told me to keep it in my wallet.”
Pomona told reporters that while she has made five-year plans in the past, she has always been let down.
“I used to include other things in my five-year plan, like: get promoted, buy a house, pay off my loans,” Pomona said. “But it quickly became clear that there was no feasible way for me to achieve those things in just five years, let alone before I’m dead. Getting my IUD out is the one thing I can count on. It’s my shining beacon in the distance, the goal I spend every day working towards.”
Dr. Heller said that, in terms of a five-year plan, there’s nothing Pomona actually needs to do ahead of getting her IUD removed.
“That’s the beauty of an IUD,” Dr. Heller said. “You can just kind of forget about it until it’s time to get it replaced. Our office will even send you a little text when your appointment is coming up, so you don’t have to remember when it is. Then, the actual appointment will only be like 30 minutes max. It really frees you up to stop worrying about birth control and just live your life.”
Pomona said she hasn’t really thought about the “life” aspect of the next five years.
“Yeah, I don’t know, I’m pretty focused on the IUD thing right now,” Pomona said. “Not really sure what else I’ll have going on. Probably just normal stuff like getting groceries, or whatever. But I can’t say with complete certainty.”
Pomona added that she’s just happy she “finally created a five-year plan she’ll actually stick to” and that “everything else is just a huge question mark.”
At press time, Pomona received a call from Dr. Heller’s office saying that Dr. Heller actually had a marathon scheduled for June 20, 2028 – a huge life goal of hers – and asked if Pomona wouldn’t mind rescheduling her appointment for the following week.
“Well, my next five years just completely opened up,” Pomona said, adding, “It’s better this way.”
